I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
