I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize