just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
