he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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