You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
time to smoke my breakfast
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
