He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
