no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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