Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
