You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
