Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
