I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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