you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
