Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
