you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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