He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
