I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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