do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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