I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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