You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
