If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
