i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
