Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
