It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
