Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
