I cannot find my penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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