idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
