Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
