too bad you live with your parents still
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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