You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
