She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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