i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
