I want to have your abortion
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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