look no pants
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
