I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize