....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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