I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
