Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
