you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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