It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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