the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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