I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
