i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
