where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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