you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
