Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what day is it and did you see me today?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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