everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize