last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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