I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
