I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
