idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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