I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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