the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
