On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
