so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
God, I missed his penis.
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