You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
