what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
