Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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