Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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