problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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