You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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