How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
