You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
