then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
