the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
