We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
