Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't turn off my feet"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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