He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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