Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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