is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
