Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
