I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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